i just can’t stop crying. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, or why this keeps happening. i’m just hysterically sad. so so so sad. i just want this feeling to go away.
August 2011
51 posts
July 2011
65 posts
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i just woke up:
It’s just about eight thirty and I’m feeling so good. I opened all of my windows and made myself some coffee, and now I’m back in my bed being cozy. I’m just sitting here pondering all that has happened this summer….all the good things and all of the not so good things. My best friend Emma is leaving today to move in to her new house in Baltimore, and although I am SOOOO excited for her I’m really really sad. I feel like a huge part of my heart is leaving. I feel like everything will change after today. These last few months were the last time we’ll have a summer together before she graduates from college and thus won’t have months on end off like now. I’m afraid that the magic of summer will be gone.
Yesterday Emma and Peter surprised me downtown as I was getting off of work with flowers (gerber daisies and daises, MY FAVE!!). They planned it all out and I just couldn’t believe it. They are the two best friends I have and I just love them so much! Later last night we all got together at Emma’s and she gave me the pipe that I smoked with the very first time. Even if I never smoke with it it is still such an awesome present to have. It’s almost like a finale to our teenage summer fun. We smoked with that pipe the very first summer/month we met, and now four years later she gave it to me, and she’s moving out…. I’m just overwhelmed with emotions this morning. I want to move forward with my life and get to school and meet all of my new residents and blah blah blah, but I don’t want this time of my life to end yet. I want to hold on to today, and yesterday and all the incredible summer days I’ve had (alone and with friends) forever. I just want time to stop right here right NOW! The sunshine coming in my window should never leave, and this morning should never end.
“I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.”
—Lemony Snicket (via orientaltiger)
Just took my first official practice permit test on the vt dmv website…got a hundred! YAY! i’m so ready to drive now.
all i need is to drive…
I’ve been studying my drivers permit for like forty minutes….i’m almost done! i’m so ready for this test. and to driveeeee! yay! (took me long enough…)
lonely, lonely, that is me
I’ve come to a most curious spot in my existence. I no longer feel. It’s like I’m just skimming by on the surface of emotions and I can’t remember what it was like before this all started. All I want is to wake up and just be PASSIONATE! I just want to experience something this summer. All I’ve done is worked, and slept and occasionally gone on a midnight drive or two. The last time I felt anything was on move out day. I just want to go back to Saint Mikes. I’m so fucking lonely.
Not even lonely though….I’m so incomplete here. Being back home just doesn’t feel right anymore. I want to move out. I want to start my own existence. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I spent almost the entire day sitting in this exact spot wishing I had something to work on, or someone to talk to, or something to think about. I’m just so numb though. I’ve lost so many friends since last summer….and it isn’t that i necessarily miss those people, it’s just that it is a sad fact. And I get sad whenever I remember it. On top of all of this shit I haven’t been sleeping. I miss sleeping with Peter and having someone there to hold me when I have nightmares (which happens too frequently). I feel like a prisoner in this home, and I want nothing more than to change my situation. I want to move forward in life and get happy again. I just want to be happy. I just want someone to fucking talk to me. I just want someone to fucking care and to FUCKING LISTEN.
I want a life… a real, passionate, full of feeling life.
Scrolling down your Facebook news feed..
dont care
dont care
whore
dont care
you’re*
dont care
dont care
your life is just so fucking bad isn’t it?
oh your single, once again
dont care
song lyrics, how original
dont care
dont care
you’re like 10, no you’re not ‘getting smashed’
dont care
photo of you eatin’ your boyfriends face
dont care
dont care
NOW BACK TO TUMBLR
Story of my life.
GPOY
Our scars tell our stories.: Phenomenal Woman-by Maya Angelou →
mollyinlove.tumblr.com
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
…
i’m relaxing. but it is so boring. i want an adventure. i want to hike. i want to start smoking weed again. i want to make music. i want to make love. i want to mess up my room. i want to make something. i want to go on a bike ride. i want to sing. i want to live.
i just want to live so fucking badly.
